I didn't think I had much to say.

It's still raining... but, I don't mind. =) It's been raining for days on end, it seems. Has it really? I'm not sure. Did it start yesterday, or the day before? Eh, it doesn't matter. Last night, leaving the hospital, the way the clouds rolled over the "city," and the rain drizzled down in a foggy haze, reminded Mike and me of Chicago. Eerily similar. The wide lanes of traffic (but only because we were merging!), the buildings of downtown (though much smaller and non-expansive), and the construction cranes gleaming in the darkness waiting for the workday to return (although only one, rather than dozens). But, still... the nighttime took us back to our days of living in ChiTown. Somehow, it seemed normal. Quickly, we were beyond the "downtown" and back in the darkness, heading down the stretch of interstate to return home... to reality. =)

We had visited with our little Flara again, and were able to hold her. This time, for a much longer stretch (okay, maybe by only 5 minutes because by time I got my hands on her, the nurse was suggesting we put her back). So, I kept her for maybe 15, 20 minutes, then had to remove her happily comfortable little body from my arms and put her back to bed. *Sigh.* I snuggled her down in her bed, and she peeped at us before we said goodnight. It was late anyways, and we were both struggling as much as she was to keep our eyes open, so we headed out with a new BP in hand (old BP was having some right-sided issues).

Flara had gained weight yet again! She went from 1030 grams the night prior to 1060 grams last night, putting our gal at 2 lb 5 oz. Finally, we feel like we're getting somewhere!

The doctor on for the day was kind enough to call me at home and update me on Flara's progress. Some days, I feel like I don't always know what's going on. Some docs tell us basically nothing. And I quote (honestly word-for-word): "You baby very sick. That all I say for now. Bye." Some docs tell us doom-and-gloom... not word-for-word, but basically, "there's still a very good chance Flara will not survive." Gee, thanks. To yesterday... a long, detailed conversation asking how I felt about her treatment, progress, any concerns, and included what this doc in particular was thinking. Thank you so, so much!

Here is what I gathered:

Because Flara had been making good progress in her advancement in her respiratory treatments, then seemed to be going backwards, this doc wanted to make sure there wasn't something more going on with her besides the infection. This was good news for Mike and me because we were both beginning to get a bit concerned. So, he ordered a chest xray to look at her heart and lungs. He wanted to make sure her lungs looked clear, which they did. Also, he wanted to look at the size of her heart. He wanted to make sure she didn't have slight enlargement because her murmur (PDA, to be exact) wasn't fully gone. That, too, looked normal. Thank you, Jesus! =) So, we could conclude then, that it probably was her infection causing her to backslide and progress somewhat slowly.

Also, he let me know that her original dose of vancomycin (her antibiotic) came back a little low when levels in her blood were checked. He informed me that he thinks that is why the bugs in her central line were able to crawl back into her blood, despite having been started on antibiotics. When the blood levels came back, he upped her dose of vanco. Problem solved! Her infection seems to be clearing up, and she's starting to go down on the percentage of oxygen she needs.

Another lab the doctors check, alkaline phosphotase (alk phos), came back high. Alk phos is checked because it gives an indication of bone health. By Flara's level being high, it tells us that her little developing bones need more calcium. Thus, he increased the fortification of her breast milk. Also, he added a multivitamin with iron to her daily schedule to help with her ongoing anemia. Despite multiple blood transfusions, her counts remain somewhat low. This is normal, though, because preemies (I believe I've said this before) aren't making enough new red blood cells to replace the cells removed when labs are drawn, etc.

Since a few weeks have passed since Flara's last head ultrasound, this doc also ordered a repeat for Friday... tomorrow. He wanted to check and ensure that her bleed was still stabilized, and is still moving in the "improving" direction (as it has been the past two scans).

He also increased the amount of food she is getting every hour. She now receives 6.4mL every hour, continuously.

Flara is still as cute as can be. We both anxiously await her coming off the SiPap. Again. The way the mask sits on her face, combined with the straps that hold it in place, somehow manages to compress her poor little eyes. Very quickly, they become swollen. I hate it. It had taken nearly two days for her swelling to go down when she was last placed on high-flow oxygen, so it broke my heart terribly when she went back on SiPap. It also causes a little pressure point on her forehead. It's all what has to be sacrificed in the name of survival, though. ... Not to be letting myself get sad, though.

Please keep praying for our girl and for us. Yesterday, we were both feeling quite down. I go through phases of "I'm okay" and not crying, to "I'm not okay" and everything makes me cry. That's been my mood the past couple of days. It didn't help, either, when we passed a nice couple in the hallway walking out. Daddy was lugging bags and a pillow, Mommy was lumbering and breathing through contractions on their way to deliver "normally" a healthy baby. Argh. I told Mike it just makes me sad that we won't ever get to experience that again... that we only had it once with Noël. That I'll never get to labor through with a baby, then have her handed over to cuddle for the first time. It's scheduled c-sections only for me from here on out. But, like Mike said, and I am always reminding myself... Flara's alive. She shouldn't be. We'll take any sacrifice we have to make to have her in our lives. (Wipe my tears... move on)...

In my last post, I said I'd have Mike scan in our photos of us holding little Flara, so I'll post them right after this post. They're a bit grainy because they were printed from a computer at the hospital (our nurse was kind enough to take the photos and print them). Flara at the time was 29+6 weeks and 2 lb 3 oz.