Finally... the professional pictures!

Little Flara when she first came home at a whopping 5 pounds 2 ounces!

This reminds me of a friend's son who prayed with his mommy one night and thanked God for safely holding sweet little Flara in His hands.

All of us, minus SnoopDogg!  Noël picked the socks... she was supposed to go barefooted!

These are the pics that Mike's fellow police officers took for us.  I'll have to repost the link to their website.  They do an amazing job!  Thanks, guys!  =)

A prayer request for Flara and 4 month update.

First off, Flara's prayer request.  Flara has been receiving Synagis vaccinations to help protect her from RSV.  RSV is a nasty respiratory virus that affects most kids before they turn the age of 2, but can be very serious for former preemies.  Two weeks ago, we allowed Noël to return to her Sunday School class because she was dying for interaction with her friends.  She would run to her classroom every week and try to crawl over the gate into the room.  It was sad each time we had to tell her she couldn't join in on the fun. By Tuesday following the Sunday that we had allowed her back in, she had a runny nose.  The clear gunk turned to thick yellow gunk, but never seemed to migrate into her lungs.  Her pediatrician informed us to give her Mucinex to help her out and to let the bug run its course.  This weekend, Flara's nose started running despite our absolute best efforts to keep the house completely sanitized.  We found out today at her checkup that Flara is in fact RSV positive.  =(

Because RSV is a virus, all we can do is keep close watch over her.  We are to keep using the saline drops and bulb syringe to keep her passages clear, but we will have to start breathing treatments should her symptoms change at all.  If the bug does get into her lungs, it would be very probable that it would result in a hospitalization for Flara.  PLEASE pray against this!

Since today was her 4 month checkup, she did have to get her immunizations.  Boo.  I never felt bad having Noël receive hers, but then, the girl never cried once during ANY of her shots or blood draws.  Yes, she's big stuff!  Poor little Flara has suffered enough meanness that I didn't want her to have to go through anymore.  Boy, did she ever cry.  That really broke her mommy's heart.

As of today, she is 19 1/2 inches long and 7 pounds 7 ounces.  She's really doing much better weight-wise, so we are very much pleased!  We stopped one of her reflux meds today and are going to keep the Zantac going for a bit longer.  Her heart murmur was still present, so we will be following with a cardiologist soon.

One big possible revelation... I've been thinking Flara has a short tongue and a thick, short frenulum (the little rubber band looking thingy attached to the base of your tongue).  I was noticing that she never sticks her tongue out beyond her gum line and makes a little 'click' sound when eating.  Also, when she does nurse or bottle-feed, she is very ineffective at getting any milk out.  It dawned on me a few days ago... the stupid laymen's term of being 'tongue-tied.'  If that were the case, it would explain the 'ineffective sucking' I describe her eating habits as, as well as explain the poor weight gain.  I asked her pediatrician about it this morning, and he agreed that it does look 'tight.'  So, Flara is going to see an ENT doctor to have it evaluated.  If that doctor agrees, she will have a very quick procedure to clip it.  It will enable her to move her tongue out the way that it needs to, so she would much more easily be able to get her milk!

I think that sums up all that happened today.  =)

Prayer request from a friend...

One of our dear friends in Chicago passed this prayer request on to Mike and me... it was sent on behalf of her good friends.  I know that we have been surrounded in much prayer from all of you, so I am asking that you would pray on behalf of this couple and their sweet baby.  

Dear friends,

J and I went to the doctor today to have the 20 week ultrasound done. We were going in hopes to find out if we're having a boy or a girl. But the day took a different turn. We did not find out if we're having a boy or a girl. The doctor had a difficult time seeing the brain, and was very concerned. She wanted us to go immediately to a high risk doctor who has better ultrasound equipment, and to determine if there might be an abnormality. We rushed to the high risk doctor, and he determined that there is an abnormality.

Our baby has something called "anencephaly". This means that the brain did not develop properly. Basically, the top part of the brain did not develop, and this makes it virtually impossible for the baby to survive outside of the womb.

Right now we are both in shock, and feel as though we're living in a bad dream. We're just trying to figure out our options. We would appreciate your prayers and thank you for your support.

J and J

Noël helps her Sissy with her bottles.

Fun with stickers!

The tiny turkey legs. =)

Perfect(ly) sweet little girl.

High-risk Clinic and Eyes

Monday, Flara followed up on her eye development. Yuck. Another grueling, barbaric torture fest. My big helper came along. She scored a blown-up rubber glove that tickled her to her core. =)

Sissy's eyes are doing much better. Her right eye is complete and without disease. Yipee! Her left eye has just a teensy little smidgen left to go, and possibly some very mild ROP in it. Again... yipee! The doctor said he doesn't think it will cause her any trouble at all. We'll follow again in two weeks for her left eye, and hopefully be done. That would be grand!

Today, she went to a high-risk follow-up clinic to meet with four different people. A developmental nurse, a PT/OT specialist, a speech therapist, and the PT/OT doctor. Whew! Talk about a whirlwind!

Here is what went down. Flara is officially four months old today and is a big 6 pounds 15 ounces and 19.5 inches long! Two weeks past her due date, she is nearly the size that she should be as a 'normal' newborn. The nurse was delighted!

The PT/OT team was really thrilled with her development. She has 'beautiful' head control, is posturing midline very well (arms and legs in... not splayed out), and has smooth, graceful movements. They were very pleased with her calm demeanor and that she didn't have an overactive startle reflex. God is just so good!

We are going to work a bit on her keeping her little knees stiff and extended. We learned a fun little trick button that makes her immediately bend her knees. We're going to use it on the big girl, too! haha!

We do have some more work to do with her sucking and eating. She has a very good, strong, coordinated suck with her pacifier, but she's very ineffective when it comes to bottles and breastfeeding. We have a paper full of exercises to do to strengthen her cheek muscles, and will be following more frequently with a speech therapist. Out with the eyes and in with the mouth!

We are just so thankful that her checkup(s) went so well today. We nearly wanted to walk out of the office and not go to the appointments, but what a blessing to see how pleased the staff was with Flara, and to find ways to better help her develop. =)

That's it for now!

God is faithful!

This is old... I typed it sometime last week. I'll post what I have, and leave it unfinished. So, yes, it'll come across as ending abruptly! Oh, well! =)

Now that I'm not working, we are having to be very very careful with our budget. We knew my quitting was going out on a limb for us, but it had to be done. On paper, it seemed everything should work out, but that's not to say that all is perfect. As I've mentioned before, we are having to fully rely on God and His provision.

First test... this week. Mike took three weeks off from work to help with bringing Flara home. He was told that he could borrow on his vacation from the upcoming year because he had already exhausted his sick time (thanks to me). Knowing that the hours would be available, we decided to have Mike take the extended break and not worry about a 'vacation' this year. So, I get a phone call earlier in the week from Mike. I missed the call, so I actually received a voicemail. In it, Mike was explaining to me that he just found out that the whole borrowing of vacation wasn't approved, so his paycheck would be 14 hours short. I set my phone down and closed my eyes and simply prayed that God would help me not to worry, and that He would prove Himself faithful. I didn't know where the money would come from, but I knew that I had to trust Him.

Fast forward two days. I was talking to one of my doctor's manager on the phone and found out that we were actually owed a refund. Turns out the amount is almost EXACTLY the amount we were missing on Mike's check. I hung up the phone and tearfully thanked God that He is still continually proving Himself to us. I called Mike and he responded with "Praise Jesus!" God is just so good. We received the check today. Already. Mike was able to deposit it with his paycheck, and I was able to pay our bills.

I anticipate that this will not be the last time this will happen. =) But, it will be okay!

On the baby forefront, Flara is growing like a weed! She can very briefly push herself up on her forearms and can hold her head up quite well. She is a very big girl! She is also finally feeling like she has some weight to her. I noticed my back being a bit sore yesterday, and my arm was getting sore from holding her while feeding her. When she lays on my chest (because she might just occasionally snooze at night with me... maybe), I actually feel her laying there now. Before, it was as though she wasn't even there.

I call her my little FlareBear. She makes funny little sounds like a trumpet, so I call her my Trumpet, too. She's staying awake a lot more during the day, which is very nice. Her staying up until 3, 4, sometimes 5 in the morning was killing me... us. I should include Mike on that! Now, she's up for a few hours in the morning, sleeps all day, then gets up around 7 or 8 in the evening and parties for a good solid 5 hours!!! Last night, after being up so much, she slept 6 hours overnight. That was heavenly!

Bigger and better!

Flara grew a whopping 9 ounces this week, so now she's a big 5 pounds, 14 ounces! Her pediatrician was well pleased, so she doesn't have to go back for 3 weeks... when she gets her 4 month immunizations! We're to continue the same fortification schedule that we've been on, except now we're going to add one additional glob of canola oil to her feedings. She's looking bigger, but as the pediatrician said, "Flara, we still need to see you get fat!"

This little excursion to the doctor's was my first excursion with both kiddos, sans Mike. Can I say I was more than worried? I replayed in my head all the different ways I could tote the crew... Flara in the sling, Noël in the stroller... Flara in the carseat, Noël in the stroller. Flara in the sling, Noël on my hip. Argh! I was afraid to carseat Flara and let Noël walk. I was worried she might be unruly in the office if the wait was too long, or might try to run and play somewhere that I didn't want to go.

Well, the day started off really nicely. We had to get up early to get everyone fed. Mike had to go to court, so he, too, was up. After Mike left, I had to go into ultra-hurry mode to get everything done that needed to be done. Pumping, packing snacks, packing diapers, Snoop out the door (by the way, it's SnoopDogg's 7th human-year birthday!), drinks packed, breast milk packed... too much whatever it all was! I told Noël we needed to go 'bye-bye' so I needed her to help Mommy get everything together. Even though I had everything packed at that point, she ran and grabbed one of her bags, emptied all of the toys, ran and stuffed it full of diapers, then crammed her bubbles blankie and buckles kitty into it. She was set! Admittedly, that melted my heart... and Daddy's when I told him as I was driving back home. =) Even though I had everything I needed, I brought Noël's extra bag of supplies because she had so proudly packed that bag for me. We loaded into the car, and surprisingly, I was 5 minutes ahead of schedule! Yipee!

We made the hour-long drive to the peds office, which gave me plenty of time to negotiate my carrying choices. Ultimately, I decided that I was going to leave Flara in the carseat (it was just too cold to get her out!) and let Noël walk. Unfortunately, no close parking spaces were open, so we parked waaaaay out in the lot. I first unbuckled Noël, then put her in the passenger seat of the car and told her to drive the car. She gladly obliged while I got the carseat out. Then, I coaxed Noël out of the seat, then realized I didn't have an extra arm to close the door. If it weren't so cold, I would not have minded setting Flara's seat on the ground. So, I just one-legged kicked the door closed. Ta-da!!!! We set forth on our long walk. Noël was quite pleased to take a walk, and went everywhere I asked her to go. We've been working on 'right' and 'left' with her, so it could've been mere coincidence, but when I told that girl 'turn left,' that's exactly the way she went!

Thankfully, the wait was short, and only one other mommy+baby combo was in the waiting room. Noël read some magazines, then sat with me until we were called back. She announced 'baby' to anyone who would listen, and enjoyed sitting and eating her snacks 'til we were ready to head back home. That, too, went without a hitch. So, so thankful! It was a good trip!

Eyes... and walking in faith...

Flara's eyes still just aren't quite there yet, so we'll repeat the exam in another two weeks. The detoured vessels appear to be moving along, though, so we're still dodging that potential problem for the time being.

After Flara's eye exam, I went over to my hospital... 'my' being my place of work. It was the first time my coworkers were able to see little Flara in person. =) She stayed in her car seat the entire time, so it was more of a peep of Flara. But, it counts!

My real order of business in going to work was to finalize some things... because I am surrendering my position and moving into an as-needed status. Thus, I'll only be on the schedule two shifts per month, and any extra shifts will only be if I want to work them. This, quite honestly, is scary... and where walking in faith comes into play.

Mike's and my goal had been for me to be a stay-at-home mommy after we delivered Noël. After that tumultuous pregnancy and my 9 hospitalizations, we were in such a financial bind it wasn't possible. Thankfully, I was able to drop from full-time to working only 16 hours a week and still stay afloat. I've been working those hours for nearly two years now. Although we greatly desired for me to stay home after Flara's birth, it didn't appear we were going to be able to make it without my hours...

But. God has been extremely faithful to us and we appear to be in a better position that we originally thought. The difficulties we have faced in bringing Flara home made us realize... basically just last Wednesday, that we needed to do this for our family. We've been cutting things here and there, and it appears on paper we'll be able to squeak by. It's still scary, though, so it's going to be a big test in continuing to trust God that He'll continue to provide for us now as He always has in the past.

Please be praying for us that everything will work out. =) Our cars make us a bit nervous (170,000-ish miles!), as well as other everyday things that can pop up (like our dryer dying a month ago!). Please pray that we won't worry and will keep trusting God. And, please keep praying that little Flara's eyes continue to progress and that she gains some much-needed strength.

Thank you!

Not-so-beefy girl

Flara had a follow-up with her pediatrician last Wednesday. Mike and I were super excited to see how much little Flara had grown in her first two weeks at home. SHOCK. She only gained a measly 3 ounces in an entire two weeks... leaving her at 5 pounds, 5 ounces.

Flara sputtered in the NICU with her weight gain, and we were always hearing how she had 'poor weight gain.' In her final days of her stay, however, she began to gain the typical ounce a day. Combined with her eating well, Flara was able to come home.

She seemed to be eating well with us, but we began to notice that she was beginning to nurse less and less effectively. She seemed to be getting weaker, so we began supplementing her with more bottles of milk than her prescribed two-a-day. One day, I decided to pump to see how much milk I was producing. After days of her poorly feeding, I figured that must have affected my supply. The result? A dismal and disappointing 1/4 ounce per side.

I'll admit.... I began crying. Nursing was my most-loved thing to do with Noël. That girl nursed an amazing 17 months, quitting only because I had to quit medically for Flara's sake. With Flara's early arrival, I was grieving the missed in-the-belly time, so I was determined to make up for that bonding time via nursing. To basically lose that has been a shock to me lately. I've been pumping, trying to increase my supply, but I'm not having much success.

Flara, in the meantime, has been taking bottles of expressed milk from all those grueling pumping sessions while she was in the NICU. Her pediatrician gave us a whole new formula of fortification to add TONS of calories to her diet to help her plump. In addition to regular fortifier, she's now getting rice cereal and canola oil added. Yuck. It seems to be helping... at least we think she looks and feels heavier.

We'll recheck this Wednesday. We're now going weekly for weights until she seems to catch up to where she needs to be.

Tomorrow morning I'll be taking Flara to another eye appointment. Her eyes are nearly fully developed, so her eye doc and I are hopeful that after a two-week hiatus, the vascularization process will be complete. If not, we'll just keep going and checking... and, praying that the detoured blood vessels will not stop where the detour took place.

Flara's sleeping schedule is all over the place. Some days she sleeps well at night, some days she stays up at night. With her recent weakness, it's been taking sometimes close to 1 1/2 hours to get her to eat what she needs to. As a result, I'm getting on average 2 hours, 45 minutes of sleep a night. Admittedly, I'm not a sleeping type. I'm happy with 4 to 5 hours, and grumpy if I get more than that. But, this? It's killing me!

Mike will return to week this Tuesday. It scares the life out of me. If I had a typical newborn, I wouldn't be concerned. Noël would be done nursing in 10 to 15 minutes flat, leaving me with plenty of time. With Flara, I'm not only juggling having my hands tied in feeding for such long periods, but I've got a busy little toddler running around who needs attention from her momma. Please, please pray for our family as we make this transition! =)

I realize I have not posted pictures in a while. I think my preceding paragraph explains why! I'll post some new pics soon. Two of Mike's coworkers were kind enough to bring all of their photography gear to our house and take family pics and newborn pics of Flara. They look great! If you're looking for someone in the area to take pictures for you, your cars, guns, anything, please check out their website here... http://www.cfimaging.com/. They do great work!