Also, her IV's have not been lasting at all, so the doctors placed another PICC (central line) this morning. It'll be better because she won't have to have as many IV sticks, but it's a big risk for infection. Currently, she still has an IV in her head, but she's getting another blood transfusion as I type. Once the blood is finished, that IV will come out, and she'll only have her central line left. I'm praying she won't get sick again... it was her PICC infection a month ago that started a good deal of her troubles that we have not been able to overcome yet.
Flara will get another repeat tomorrow on her head ultrasound to assess her brain bleed.
Her feedings were increased today at 1400 hours to 1.5mL/hr, and will be increased every eight hours by 0.5mL/hr. This, of course, is if she tolerates what she is being given.
Flara's lab work is continuing to improve, so she is responding well to her antibiotics.
Also, today is Flara's 6 week birthday.
I had a big breakdown after church today.... still having a breakdown would be more apt. I've held it together for most days and most news, but today I just can't seem to take it. I want someone to just be honest about everything going on with Flara. NICU nurse or not, I'm still a mom. Because I am a NICU nurse, I'm all too aware of all of the worst-case scenarios. So, when something happens, my mind is racing to 'it could be indicating this or leading to that.' I would just like to shut that portion of my brain down right now.
Our pastor is going through the 10 commandments right now. Today, the topic was on adultery. Pastor B talked about how we as a society love our objects more than our God. Yes, we basically have adulterous affairs with our objects. I said to Mike, "BIG ouch." Pastor B talked about how we truly don't know what it's like to need something or to go to bed hungry and how we spend unimaginable amounts of money acquiring objects. Ouch. Again. Then, how we use our new objects to bide our time and keep us from our Savior. Ouch. I'm as guilty as anybody, but the sermon had me thinking about how my mind has been so completely and utterly filled with thoughts of 'will Flara make it?' Rather than spending my time consumed by my fears, I need to be filling that time with Christ... praying and reading His word. Christ only can provide the peace that I so desperately desire.
I can do nothing without Him.
Hi Suzanne, we will continue to pray for Flara. We anxiously await news and praise and pray along with you... Thank you for the good posts - honest and heartfelt. It allows us to pray specific prayers. I have absolutely no clue what it is like to go through what you are going through. That being said, your last words really resonated with me. I am a huge worrier and when I was pregnant with my son, I was just consumed with worry. It took over my every thought. Everything was going fine, but I was still just so worried about everything. Well, in the 12th week, I started spotting and ended up in the ER. Thankfully, we had a Christian doctor who really just sent me away with a prescription for Philippians 4:6-7. I'm certain that you know it well. :o) My favorite part though - "the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds through Christ Jesus." That is the peace that I will pray for you. Peace that transcends understanding. Peace that you look back on and think, "wow, how did I get through that one!?" Peace deep in your soul, working from the inside out. Hang in there.... thanks again for the updates. Take care!
ReplyDeleteKatie, thank you so much. =) I do know that verse well, but it's great to have others remind me of it... especially when I need it most. I'm glad to hear that you had a Christian doctor. What a difference! Mike and I have been blessed in the same way that when we would get bent out of shape with something, our OB would point us to Christ and tell us to go and pray. So simple, yet so true and helpful! We would be looking for medical answers and tangible things we could actually 'do' to try to improve a situation. Funny we would forget to go the Creator of everything!
ReplyDeleteSo true. I was kind of taken aback at the doctor's assertion. What do you mean "pray"? DO SOMETHING!
ReplyDeleteOh man... then I would think. That IS doing something. In fact, that's DOING something more important than anything else that can be done. :o) It's like a lesson to learn every single day, again and again. I have taken the power from God's hands and put it in man's hands just hoping that they could do something instead of God. Why would I do that? I still do that though, every single day.
I'm so glad to hear you have a Christian OB - too cool. Still praying for you guys!