A big *sigh*

What's the point of living if your life isn't being lived out for Christ?

That's the big question I've been pondering today.  Why?  Ohhhh, I'm 'circulatating' (don't ask, just read) through a myriad of thoughts, a myriad of emotions...

Why?

Well... let's see... most of my blog followers, if any of you exist anymore, know that the past three years have been incredibly difficult for Mike and me.  If it could happen and be extremely difficult, it has happened.

In the midst of that, Mike and I have had to make a lot... I mean, A LOT of big decisions.  Decisions and change are never easy.  I've posted in prior postings (much prior, like months prior) that we've been prayerfully considering a lot of different things (sorry so vague, but I didn't specify then, nor will I specify now).  Some of those decisions have passed us by, some are still in the far future, but some of them are upon us now.

It is the 'now' decisions that have me pondering my big question of the day...  As I think about the decisions that Mike and I make regarding our family, the big thing [ugh, sorry...  I keep using 'thing' and I hate its simplicity... but, I'm too tired to use a big and pretty word] that jolted my thought processes was that in making decisions, we have to be making decisions not out of want for self, but out of want for Christ. Does that make sense?

I was reading through a mailer we received for Moody alumni today.  It's more of a booklet of updates on Moody grads.  Always when I read through this, I am quite intrigued.  The ministries of brand-new grads and the bios of those who have recently died are amazing.  Paragraph after paragraph of folks who, upon graduating from Moody, are out working the front lines of the Silk Road, India, the Congo, China, Iraq... places I can't spell or pronounce... places that are just downright scary to me.

I'm sure if I could see myself read, I'd see that my eyes are big and my mouth gaping.   My thought... what drives these people???  Obviously, or perhaps not obviously, but these people have come to realize that life isn't for living about themselves.  Our lives and our bodies are Christ's.  If we're truly devoted to Him, then we wouldn't be seeking to advance 'our kingdom' of materialism, fancy-schmancy supersized homes, sports, our image, and just plain (sorry) silly pursuits that we in our culture put on such an idolized pedestal.

I'm not saying I'm leaving for the mission field, folks.  =)  I'm just saying that I've been in a lot of thought lately, and my conclusion is that, even if I don't like some things, I'm going to go with what I feel Christ is calling me to.  Why?  Because, today, again, it was revealed to me that my life is not my own.  I need to stop trying to do what I want and do what I need to do to pursue Christ's Kingdom... the REAL Kingdom.

This probably makes no sense.  But, I'm thinking when I need to be sleeping, and rather than have these thoughts run circles through my head all night (because that's how my brain works... it doesn't shut off no matter how hard I try), I'd just type my thoughts out.  So, here they are.  =)