I know the intense joy Mike and I shared at the birth of sweet Noël, and the excitement in bringing her home to be a family. Although Mike had to be gone the first six weeks of Noël's (born) life, the experience of bringing her into the world and bringing her home was more than I could have ever anticipated.
I wanted that for Flara. While taking my shower that day, I was distracted by thoughts of longing for a 'normal' delivery and for a 'normal' homecoming. In the days leading up to our due date, Mike and I would realize that I could have been pregnant now. We'd say, 'wow, I'd be massive' and 'dude, you would be so miserable.' Yes, pregnancy can be miserable, and makes the belly massive, but it's enjoyable and brings about satisfaction in knowing that a whole new little person is growing and developing while carrying on with normal life.
Due Date Day made me think of how different things would be for Flara. No head bleeds, no eye problems, no belly problems, no super-intense reflux so she has to sleep on a steep incline, no slightly-flattened spot on her little head from not having an aqueous environment to grow within... life could have been very different. But, then, my mind quickly snaps back to reality. Flara was dying. Plainly put. When I realize what her very early arrival saved her from, and I so thank God for that, I realize I wouldn't want her to come any other day. God knows what he's doing!
So, those are my thoughts on the day. A friend who had a preemie had expressed to me that she was saddened by her due date day. I didn't know if I would be or not. I understand now.
No comments:
Post a Comment