It has been a really long time...

Our sweet little bright-eyed girl!

BIG YAWN!!!

Already fixin' to be a Daddy's girl!

Such a cutie pie!

Noël busy at work helping Mommy put up the wall decals in the girls' room.

Yes, that would be a squirrel! =)

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I think I've been so 'off' because I went back to work! Eek! I know I don't work much (just 8 to 16 hours weekly), but I work overnight so I'm left EXTREMELY exhausted. I don't sleep during the day before, so I head in and stay up all night. By time I get home, I've pulled over 24 hours. Then, for whatever strange reason, I still can't sleep. My max so far is 2 1/2 hours, then I'll be up all the next day 'til bedtime. It's really crazy, completely unhealthy, and leaves me dragging, but somehow I've managed to survive. =)

A lot has happened changed since the nearly 2 weeks since I last updated on our sweet girl. I pulled out my notebook, and am going to go through it and hit the highlights. Last time I posted, Flara had just come off of her oxygen. I honestly didn't think the girl would make it, but she has continued to pull through. The same day her oxygen was stopped, she also was transitioned out of her isolette. She now sleeps in a crib like a big girl!

One thing we had repeatedly mentioned was fears over infection with her central line. We were praying and praying for somehow Flara to get to have it removed. Well, God took care of it! We went to visit Flara the night after her move to the big crib, and were told we wouldn't get to hold her because her central line had clotted off. A clot buster was put in the line to try to dissolve the clot. After much waiting (and us sitting and saying, God, let that stuff just NOT work), it was determined it was a lost cause! We were (secretly) excited! We knew Flara would have to have a regular IV because her feeds weren't high enough yet to necessitate not needing IV fluids, but we were happy. She only needed a couple more days, so we figured we could just handle it. A few days later, she was close to full feeds, and another of her regular IV's went bad. Rather than restarting it, the nurse asked the doctor if she could just leave it out. Thankfully, the doc agreed! So, little Flara made it back to full feeds and has been a week without any IV fluids. That's great!

Flara had her hearing screen. She passed on one side, but not on the other. It could possibly be a fluke, but it could also be that she has some sort of hearing damage. In-utero infection is one of the top contributors of hearing loss in newborns, so it's always a possibility. Honestly, Mike and I weren't even upset. Flara will have a repeat screening (probably this week) to retest the failing ear. We know she has good hearing in one ear, so we'll take whatever results we are given. I've said it a million times, and that's that our little Flara is alive and healthy, and for that we are so thankful. Head bleeds, (possible) hearing loss, tummy troubles... our course could be so much worse. God has just done an amazing work to keep little Flara through all of this, and to be comforting and sustaining Mike, Noël, and me through it as well.

After Flara transitioned from intestinal feeds to tummy feeds, she did have some difficulty with digesting her milk. At times, milk would just drip constantly out of her nose. It would make me so sad for her! The doctors started her on zantac and reglan (reflux medications), and that has made a big difference. The nurses also really ramp her bed up at a high angle, so she sleeps on a nice incline, held in by a sling! She seems to really like it!

All of the meds that were helping Flara with her periods of stopping breathing and heart rate drops have been stopped. Although she still has quick periods of heart rate drops now, the apnea (stopped breathing) finally seems to be resolved. Usually, when she drops her heart rate, it seems to be from her having reflux.

She was given a short period of trying bottles. She did really well with it, but it really wore Flara out. So, for now, bottles are on hold, but we are still working on nursing. Some days she does great, and other days she'll be so tired she can't even get her eyes open, let alone eat! We just have to sit and be patient and let her grow and get stronger. Flara's day will come soon enough!

Flara also got her 2 month immunizations. That just seems crazy! It's hard to believe our little gal is that old, but she really is! Today marks her 10 week old birthday! That's a long time to be shuttling back and forth with an hourlong drive to visit our little girl, all while toting a 21 month old toddler! We are soooo looking forward to getting Flara home!

While we miss little Flara (especially today being our 'unable to visit Sunday'), we are so thankful that she has nurses (her primaries!) who love her to death! It makes me happy when I call and I'm told how much they held and loved on her, and took her for strolls around the nursery. I like knowing that she's not just laying in her darkened room wondering where anybody is to love on her! These gals will ALWAYS be loved and appreciated for loving our little girl so much when we're unable to be there for her! They're Flara's extended family of mommies. I know she loves them, too! =)

Last, Flara is now past the 2 kilogram mark! Mike, in his dorkiness, wanted to post on facebook that he now has a 'kilo' when Flara hit 1 kilo. He missed it, so now he's the proud owner of a '2 kilo.' Yeah, like I said... dork! hahaha! I'm sure not many of you are into conversions, so that means Flara is 4 pounds and 7 ounces! She's also 17.6 inches long. Such a big girl! Gestationally, she is now 36+4 weeks old. That's so hard to believe!

That's all I have to post on for now! I hope you all had great Turkey Lurkey Days! We did! =)

Great news!

For six hours now, Flara has been without any oxygen support! Yippee!

Also, her feedings are now for the first time going into her tummy. She's tolerating it so far, so we'll just keep praying she progresses well.

Sorted out

I talked to Flara's doctor today to understand why Flara was still not eating considering both of her GI studies look 'good.' I received a very good explanation of how the studies have made her bowels look worse, and that they are actually more dilated than before. Normally, it takes a few hours to pass the contrast used in the studies. Flara has taken two days. The doctor explained to me that the developing nervous system of her GI tract is apparently developing very slowly, resulting in very slow and sporadic motility of her gut. That's fair. As I said to him, 'basically, the same way everything else is going with her.' He nodded in agreement. He felt it would be better for her to let her rest and go slowly rather than pushing her through quickly. His theory is that if her bowels are saying "stop, I'm not ready," it's better to let her progress at her own speed. So, today, she was restarted on a very tiny 1.5mL/hr continuous feed. Hopefully, this will be enough to help her body say "hey, start digesting!"

Flara is continuing to grow well. She's now 4 pounds, 2 ounces and was given the go-ahead to wean her to an actual open crib! That's exciting for the little bean! She's also been doing so well respiratory-wise, that she was also given the go-ahead to try to wean from her nasal cannula. It will be so strange to see her in a crib and without oxygen on her face! She's having her medication stopped that has been helping her to not have the apnea (quitting breathing) spells. It takes about 5 days for the medicine to completely exit her body, so we'll have enough time to see if it's going to be too early to wean her from it.

Her various cultures are still negative. Her labs were looking better today. Since she was given blood yesterday, she looked much, much pinker today. Her hematocrit was up to 36 from the low of 23 yesterday.

We had another short, time-split visit today. Mike and I both had about 45 minutes each to visit our sweet girl. She is definitely looking better each and every day. I've always said 4 pound babies are my favorite. They're not so scrawny and preemie-looking. Really, they just appear to be miniature versions of a normal newborn. So cute! Although we've had a rough road, and still have lots of days ahead of us, it's fun to see Flara grow and develop. Today, she is officially a 35 weeker. It's been a long 60 days!

Tomorrow marks my return to work. Even though I only work 8 to 16 hours a week, I'm a bit nervous about returning and actually taking care of little preemies. It's all going to be a little too-close-to-home now. I've really enjoyed my time off (even though under very stressful circumstances) and the focused time Mike, Noël, and I have been able to share with each other. I am hopeful, though, that work will be a good distraction for me, will help time speed along, and I'm looking forward to seeing a great group of gals whom I miss dearly!

Until next time, adios!

Four Pounds!

Today, Flara hit the big 4 pounds! She's now double her birth weight!

Although both of Flara's GI studies have come back normal, Flara is still not back on her feedings. Her tummy was 'big' this morning, so she was not allowed to restart her feedings. She also spit up a couple of times overnight (although her tests did confirm she does have reflux, as do most preemies). Also, her lipids (fats) were restarted.

She's still doing well on her 1L nasal cannula. I hear she keeps it in her mouth more than she keeps it in her nose! =)

She had a repeat eye exam this morning, and everything still looks good. Now, she'll be retested in two weeks rather than every week.

Overnight, she had some issues going 'peepee.' She didn't have much out, so she was given a bolus of normal saline this morning. She's been going potty since!

Her white blood cell count is still funny. She had a repeat culture drawn, and also had another urine culture taken to test for CMV.

She's getting more blood, probably as I type this! Her hematocrit this morning was 23. Poor girl!

Does this sound depressing? I hope not! Mike and I are both sad that little Flara is still not eating, and (maybe?) getting some sort of sickness again, but we're still so thankful to have her here. We'll keep on with that trusting God part. =)

I think that covers all of the 'quick' update that I can provide. I'm trying to think if I missed anything here, besides saying that she's the cutest little preemie ever! If so, maybe I'll tell you later!

Where did Flara get her name?

I know we've received many questions about 'Flara.' It is an old Irish name meaning "fire." A couple years ago, my family and I went to southeastern Kentucky to visit our (original) family cemetery. I took pictures of all the tomb rocks (that's for a good friend of mine!). One in particular caught my attention... Flara E. Botkin. I thought it was a lovely name! Thus, I borrowed from my kinfolk (Flara E. Botkin being the sister of my great-granddad). Flara is pronounced like Sara, just with an F-L. Enjoy a bit o' family history! =)

"This is little Flara's namesake. She (Flara E. Botkin) is buried in Jackson Co, Ky. next to her grandfather Joseph E. Botkin who was the son of the original Botkin (Richard) who came here from Ireland. Her father was Daniel Slaughter Botkin, a doctor there in Ky. Her brother, Daniel Oscar, came to Indiana and begat our line of Botkins."

Flara E. Botkin's tomb rock is there on the left.

We chose Flara's middle name, Sophia, because we thought the two had a pretty ring to it together.... Flara Sophia. Sophia is Greek for "wisdom."

Thus, her name is "Fire and Wisdom" Perfect!

Hooray for Flara and Noël!

First, little Flara had her upper GI studies this afternoon, and they are normal!!!! We are so thankful! She was switched over from 1 liter on her high flow to 1 liter of a regular nasal cannula. Yippee! No more water floods dousing her poor little nose and gagging her! Her white blood cell count is still a little funny, so another blood culture was pulled from her central line today. So far, the urine and central line cultures from the other day have been negative.

During my quick visit today, I held my sweet girl but didn't get to nurse her. She couldn't eat anything for four hours prior to her testing, so I only got to hold. When I cuddled her in close, she tried to eat my neck. Poor little baby! When I didn't give her what she wanted, she let out two very cute little cries. It broke my heart! I didn't get to visit her yesterday either, so she had to miss out on two days of quality mommy time. =(

Finally, her head measurements seem to be right! Her head was triple-measured by three very good nurses =) who all came up with the same number. Since it's been mentioned a few times that her head hasn't been growing as well as it should (although we can all see that it has been), it was good to get a measurement that actually *proved* that there is growth!

Flara almost reached 3 pounds, 14 ounces last night. It's hard to believe we're nearly double her birth weight from 8 weeks ago!

So, what is Noël's big news? Tonight, while she and I were eating supper, she almost frantically began telling me "di...di... di....di" and pointing to her diaper. She's been doing this since the week Flara was born, but she never does anything with it. So, I first said, "eh, let's finish supper," but she became more insistent. I asked her if she needed to go peepee on the big girl potty. She immediately responded with "yeah, pee." I quickly lifted her out of her seat, and placed her on the floor. She ran to the bathroom. As I was getting her diaper off, she grabbed her Dora potty seat and put it on the big potty. I sat her up there and expected nothing. But, no! She actually went potty! I squealed with delight-- she squealed with delight. We clapped. Then, clapped some more. She was so proud! (She even pulled the shower curtain around her while going potty for privacy. Too funny!) She asked for toilet paper, then wiped not once, but three times! She got down, flushed the toilet, put her Dora seat back off to the side, then put the lid down. I was elated. As a reward, I gave her some chocolate chips. =) I didn't figure I would really try potty training until she hits 2 in February, but as long as she seems ready, then I guess we'll go for it!

Good results for Flara. Not-so-good for my Ginkgo.

Flara had her lower GI tract study yesterday. Thankfully, the study revealed no damage!!! We were greatly relieved by the news, but we're not off-the-hook yet. Flara's doctor was fairly confident that if she were to have damage, it would be in the lower portion of her GI tract. Since that is normal, Flara will have her next test of her upper GI tract on Monday. We're anxiously awaiting Monday. The doctor was hopeful to get both tests done on the same day, but radiology said that if both were done on the same day, the lower GI test contrast would obscure the view of Flara's upper GI tract. Thus, we're waiting. It's for the best, too. The handling, transports to radiology, and the testing itself has really used up all of Flara's energy. She was very bright-eyed last night during our visit, but she's been too tired to nurse well. Hopefully, the couple days of rest will help her get back up to par on the feistiness level. We've just not seen the usual Flara fury this week.

My home life (from the bits I've shared) never seems to be without craziness. Whether it's exploding pop, kidney stones, or leaking pipes, last night left Mike and me with some more drama to shake our heads about. I've never been one to like the time changes. I grew up in Indiana, which, until recently, never participated in the time changes. I really like letting the sun set when it wants to. Last night, my gingko tree fell prey to the day turning dark all-too-early. Mike, Noël, and I came home last night from the grocery store. Turning into the drive, there stood our (non) stately little Ginkgo. Really, it's a sad little fellow. It was large(r) and beautiful when we bought it and planted it. Soon after going into the ground, our big drought hit. Ginkgo lost half it's branches in the heat wave. So, yes, it was looking a little sad. Then, SnoopDogg the wonder dog made it his potty post, and nearly killed it the next summer. The tree went without leaves and without growth that whole summer. Mike informed me it was dead, but I refused to believe it. After all, ginkgo trees are the only forms of plant life that survived the bombing of Hiroshima. Well, this spring, then, I decided if no new leaves appeared, then Mike could pull the hapless tree from the ground. But, NO! It survived! Gingko grew leaves and quite a few. However, Gingko grew no new branches and gained no height. I was fairly confident that NEXT summer was going to be a banner year. So, as I said, we got home last night, came in and began preparing supper. We let the WonderDogg out to potty. Soon, he went flying around our porch and down the stairs in a really, really angry barking fury. We thought the babysitter, for some reason, was about to get Snoop's anger like he's never expressed it before. We ran to the door and called Snoop back. Like a good dog, he returned. Mike went to see if the babysitter was here, and found a snapped-off trunk of our Gingko sadly sitting in it's corner. The rest of the tree was gone. Now, Mike came back and asked me if the gingko was "here when we came home?" I was so confused. He then informed me that some punks broke our tree at the ground and ran off with it. My initial reaction was extreme anger. I was ready to go find the punks myself and beat the tar out of them. Mike got in the car and went searching. Honestly, after this past week, we were both ready to beat some booty. =) Thankfully, he didn't find the punks. I kept thinking about my poor tree, then I asked Mike if he meant the entire tree pulled out of the ground. He told me that Ginkgo still had about 6 inches of tree stump sticking out of the ground. Me: "Rats. I knew next summer was going to be it's banner year. It finally had an impressive root system." With that sad exchange, we both burst out laughing. Oh, well. We've decided we're going to saw it off at the ground, and see if it'll resprout from it's impressive root system come spring. Our other thought was that we're going to leave it's stump (for now- over winter) and overdo it with all the LED Christmas lights we can fit on it, and top it with a star. We figure if some punks thought they could get us down, they're WRONG!

With all of that off my chest, I do need to say that God is good. =) We've come off of an extremely difficult week that left us at points really struggling, even with our faith. We feel that even when people let us down, God keeps showing Himself true to us. We've tried to be obedient to everything that we have felt that God is directing us to do, and in the end, we have been blessed beyond what we can imagine. Even while standing with the doctor and nutritionist after my most-emotionally difficult morning, I had to then take the news that the doctors were fairly confident of Flara losing portions of her bowel. Honestly, I felt like I had been sucker punched and would like to have passed out or thrown up. I thought, "how ironic, my worst day yet, and here I get more crappy news." Quickly, my mind snapped back to God's love and sovereignty, and I felt immediate peace. At that exact moment, both the nutritionist and the doctor commented on how amazed they were that I have taken everything with such a calm demeanor. I'm not saying this as something to brag about... I'm saying it as a testimony of God's sustaining us when we need Him most (and, most likely, when we feel like He's most NOT there). It made me think back to Flara's delivery week, and how calm I had remained through that. Looking back on it all, I can see that when times have been most difficult, that is when I have felt God's peace and comfort the most. I have handled bad news and bad times with more grace and calmness than I have handled not-so-bad times. And, again, all I can say is that God is so good.

Thanks, again, for listening, and always for your prayers.